Driving me insane
I am ridiculously nervous about my driving test. I had my last lesson today and have my test next week. I couldn’t sleep last night just worrying that if I was still getting things wrong today, I wouldn’t be ready. But today went well, apart from a couple of little ‘freak out’ moments. My brain has this tendency to shut down when I do something wrong… like today I stalled when in a queue of traffic and my brain just said ‘can’t cope’ and shut off, so no matter what my instructor was saying I couldn’t listen. So I started rolling backwards (just slightly), panicked and stalled again!! James has found the same with me when he takes me out in our car; I will just have a mini panic and my logical voice has to find its way out of the dark, overgrown, forest of ‘freak out’, so that I can actually move on again. I have a funny feeling though, that I won’t actually be like that on the test. I tend to be better around people I don’t know, like examiners. I think it’s because I don’t have any history with them. Like, with my instructor, I know she knows what I’ve done wrong in the past, so I’m overly cautious about it, which results in me being nervous, and ultimately doing the same thing wrong again. But in the test, I can imagine I’ll get to a tricky bit in the road and think ‘oh it’s okay, he doesn’t know that I always get this bit wrong’ and I’ll be okay.
I’ve been reading on driving forums about the amount of times people have failed their test (probably not the best thing to be reading); one person was doing their twelfth test!! Oh my god. I mean, yes, I don’t like failing at anything, but I think I would take the hint if I failed that many times, and I don’t think my nerves, or my wallet, could take it either. It’s amazing the number of people who can actually drive in the world. In this country, there are many stupid, stupid people. How did they all pass their tests?!? It’s a mystery to me.
Why is it so nerve wracking? Is it that I simply don’t like failing? Is it that I don’t want to make a fool of myself? I can’t bear the thought of having to have more lessons and prepare for another test. I’ve already had too many lessons in my own opinion and I can’t be bothered with it anymore. I can’t explain how happy and relieved I’ll feel if I pass! I think I’m going to be sick.
Posted in Panics